(continued from Part I)
5. Does your partner
push you to do things you don't want to do? For instance, do you feel
pressured to be more intimate or sexual than you're comfortable? If
you are not actively forced, are you coerced into doing things you
don't want to do (i.e. doing sexual things because you feel you have
to, to get him to shut up and leave you alone, etc)? These things are
considered rape or sexual assault in many states and are therefore
illegal. Some states vary on degrees but, if this is happening to
you, there's a good chance you could bring charges against your
partner. If you feel the need to, please don't hesitate. I'm serious.
6. Do things tend to go
in 'cycles'? Happiness-conflict-hurt-separation-reconnection-back to
happiness? Does this happen on a regular basis? 'Drama' like this
is interesting on As The World Turns, but not in real
life.
7. Does s/he try to
isolate you from other friends and family? If your friends don't like
him, does he try to convince you that they're 'jealous' or some other
way of getting you away from them? How does s/he treat others? Is
there a different 'face' in public than in private?
8. On a related tip, do
your friends like your partner? If they don't, why not? Is there any
sort of 'consensus'? It's possible that your partner might have a
minor personality conflict with one of your friends, but not five of
them.
9. Have you been lied
to? I'm not talking about 'no, that doesn't make you look fat'. I'm
talking about lying about where s/he's been, who he's been with, how
much he had to drink, etc. This goes back to #1.
10. In general, how do
you feel when you're with your partner? If you're not married or
living together, do you find yourself emotionally exhausted every
time you talk to or see your partner?
I could go on further,
but I think you get the point. One of the hallmarks of an unhealthy
relationship is the need of one partner to control the other, because
it can lead to so many other negative behaviors. Any time you feel
as though you're not being loved or respected on a regular basis,
there is a problem. Love isn't supposed to hurt.
One big thing to
remember:
None of these things
are 'normal'. Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs, and we
can't always get everything we want. We do sometimes need to put the
other person's needs before our own. However, nothing I have
mentioned here fits in the 'things you just have to deal with'
category. Nothing.
I hope I've given you
something to think about. To close-
A poet named named
Javan* said it best:
We should do
everything
Within reason
To save a good
relationship
But if we are
constantly
Trying to save it
It is probably not
A good relationship
*You can read more of his poetry here-http://www.cookingwithgas.us/javan/half.html. Just be sure to have a box of tissues handy. :)
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