10 Warning Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship, Part II

(continued from Part I)

5. Does your partner push you to do things you don't want to do? For instance, do you feel pressured to be more intimate or sexual than you're comfortable? If you are not actively forced, are you coerced into doing things you don't want to do (i.e. doing sexual things because you feel you have to, to get him to shut up and leave you alone, etc)? These things are considered rape or sexual assault in many states and are therefore illegal. Some states vary on degrees but, if this is happening to you, there's a good chance you could bring charges against your partner. If you feel the need to, please don't hesitate. I'm serious.

6. Do things tend to go in 'cycles'? Happiness-conflict-hurt-separation-reconnection-back to happiness? Does this happen on a regular basis? 'Drama' like this is interesting on As The World Turns, but not in real life.

7. Does s/he try to isolate you from other friends and family? If your friends don't like him, does he try to convince you that they're 'jealous' or some other way of getting you away from them? How does s/he treat others? Is there a different 'face' in public than in private?

8. On a related tip, do your friends like your partner? If they don't, why not? Is there any sort of 'consensus'? It's possible that your partner might have a minor personality conflict with one of your friends, but not five of them.

9. Have you been lied to? I'm not talking about 'no, that doesn't make you look fat'. I'm talking about lying about where s/he's been, who he's been with, how much he had to drink, etc. This goes back to #1.

10. In general, how do you feel when you're with your partner? If you're not married or living together, do you find yourself emotionally exhausted every time you talk to or see your partner?

I could go on further, but I think you get the point. One of the hallmarks of an unhealthy relationship is the need of one partner to control the other, because it can lead to so many other negative behaviors. Any time you feel as though you're not being loved or respected on a regular basis, there is a problem. Love isn't supposed to hurt.

One big thing to remember:

None of these things are 'normal'. Yes, every relationship has its ups and downs, and we can't always get everything we want. We do sometimes need to put the other person's needs before our own. However, nothing I have mentioned here fits in the 'things you just have to deal with' category.  Nothing.

I hope I've given you something to think about. To close-

A poet named named Javan* said it best:

We should do everything

Within reason

To save a good relationship

But if we are constantly

Trying to save it

It is probably not

A good relationship

 

*You can read more of his poetry here-http://www.cookingwithgas.us/javan/half.html.  Just be sure to have a box of tissues handy. :)

Simple Ways To Relax And Unwind

Looking for ways to unwind from your busy life? We run around like chickens with our heads cut off (pardon the cliché) trying to get things done for everyone else in our lives, but sometimes we need to take time to calm down and do something just for ourselves. Otherwise, we risk becoming overly stressed, which can lead to both physical and mental health problems. It doesn't have to be anything major or expensive; just doing something fun and different from what we normally do can help us relax and recharge. Here are a few things that work for me; perhaps they will help you too.

• Take a short walk outside on a nice day.
• Listen to music you like. Sing your heart out, even (especially!) if you can't carry a tune.
• Talk to a friend or family member you haven't seen in a long time
• Take a long, hot bath with lots of bubbles and a good book
• Same as above, but use things like bath oils, 'fizzies' or salts
• When you're by yourself, do something silly that you usually don't do when others are watching. Sometimes when I'm home alone during the day, I like to turn on some upbeat music and dance around the house like a crazy person. Somehow dusting and sweeping the floors doesn't seem so boring anymore! If dancing isn't your thing, you could sing a song you like while you're mopping or doing other chores, or play a movie/TV show/podcast you like in the background. Of course, you don't have to do chores while playing around like this, but it's a good way to kill two birds with one stone.
• If you have pets, cuddle or play with them. No matter how upset or frustrated I am, petting my cats always seems to calm me down.
• Make yourself laugh. Do something silly, think of something someone else did or read something funny. It doesn't matter; just the action of laughing can help you relax.
• If you don't work outside the home, watch or listen to something you don't do when everyone else is around. Watch that movie, play that radio station or watch that TV show online that you love, but your husband hates. He's not there, so it's your turn to handle the remote! If the kids are in school, you don't have to worry about something you're watching not being appropriate for them. Use the opportunity to do what you want!

These are just a few of the simple things we can do to relax and recharge our minds. Think about it this way-if the stress we are under gets so much that our health suffers, we won't have the energy to do things for other people. You can't help anyone else if you're not doing well yourself. Like I said, it doesn't have to be anything major, but taking a bit of time to relax and restore our own mental health benefits both us and the ones we love. Take a break-you deserve it!