Surviving the death of a parent

 

I really wish I wasn't able to write this article.

I'm saying this because I'm going to talk about something we are all probably going to have to experience sooner or later-the death of a parent. I don't care how old you are or how sick they were-you are never ready to lose a parent. I know that not everyone has a good relationship with their family but, for those of us who do, the death of one of the people who gave us life can't help but shake up our world. However, it (or the thought of it) can give you a new outlook on your own life.

My mother died from breast cancer in 1998. While I don't mean to be depressing, I can tell you that it is something important to think about because there are several health-related issues that go into it, both physically and mentally.

First, the physical. This might sound weird, but sometimes losing a parent makes you want to more vigilant about your own health. If it was due to an illness that has a possible genetic component (such as cancer or Alzheimer's disease), it reminds you to do what you can to prevent it from happening to you. While there's not much of anything you can do to prevent the onset of inherited diseases such as Huntington's, you can get tested to see if you carry the genes and, if you do, determine how to proceed from there. I for one would want to live as fully as I could-go on cruises, travel the world, spend more time with the people I love, etc. Someone I know of lost her father to Alzheimer's and is now heading up a non-profit foundation for the purpose of helping patients and their caregivers make the most of the time they have left. In terms of cancer, it reminds you to do things such as breast self-exams and mammograms (something I really need to do). If the death had anything to do with bad habits such as smoking, it gives you all the more reason to quit!

In terms of the mental aspects, I wrote an article in another blog this week about the five stages of grief. While problems such as depression can have a major effect on the physical as well as the mental, it's really important to make sure you get the right kind of help (counseling, medications, etc) to help you deal with what has happened because, if you don't, it will come back to bite you. Don't be afraid to lean on your friends and other family during this time, if only to help get you out of bed in the morning.

Also, 'banding together' as a family to help each other can go a long way in helping you deal with it yourself. If you have a religious or spiritual community, lean on that too; that's what they're there for.

I also hate to say it like this, but I learned who my true friends were and (in the case of a boyfriend) who I wanted to marry. If they can't handle being around you if you're depressed or need help, you don't need them in your life.

Again, I hate to be depressing, but I think there are a lot of things to think about when we lose (or are about to lose) a parent. I wanted to write about it because I know how difficult it was and wish someone had given me these things to think about.